Sex: Question and Answer
Note from Sandra: As interest in this column seems to have declined, I will be “retiring” it. However, feel free to still send in your questions and I can either respond privately or occasionally include the column in a newsletter. Thanks to all of you who asked questions!
13 Simple Tips for Seriously Better Sex
(Part III of III)
Never in the mood? These surprising secrets will have you craving more by tonight.
By the editors of Prevention.com
Get Your Sex Drive Back
Can you remember the last time you couldn’t wait to get home and shimmy between the sheets?
Was it last week, last month? Last…year? We get it: Sometimes it’s easier to give into your excuses—I’m too tired, let’s just do it this weekend, it doesn’t even feel that great to begin with. But we don’t need to tell you that sex is essential for a healthy marriage—and also a healthy you. Research shows that a happy sex life can stamp out stress, reduce heart disease risk, and even improve immunity. But enough of the non-sexy talk. Try just one of these libido-lifting tricks today. You can thank us later.
10. Replace that Libido!
If your sex drive has cooled down—because of hormone abnormalities or surgery—bioidentical hormone replacement may help rekindle your fire. Women need testosterone for libido just like men do – making sure your levels are where they need to be can greatly improve sex drive.
Over half of the 64 women who tried testosterone in a University Hospitals of Cleveland study reported a big boost—nearly twice those with a placebo patch—resulting in four or five additional “satisfying” sexual episodes per month.
11. Put a Stop to Distraction
It’s not just those endless to-do lists that make your mind wander between the sheets. You’re wired that way.
According to brain scan research, women’s brains are naturally more active than men’s, even during sex. The reason: lower levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. “Dopamine creates the desire to go after a reward–in this case, an orgasm,” explains Anita Clayton, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Virginia and author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy. Dopamine also increases the flow of sensory impulses to the genitals, essential for arousal. But low levels of dopamine caused by chronic stress or medical conditions can distract you during sex.
Research shows that the hormone DHEA, which normally spikes right before orgasm to enhance desire and focus, may increase dopamine production. Taking 300 mg of DHEA an hour before sex significantly increased both mental and physical arousal in postmenopausal women, according to a study published in the Journal of Women’s Health & Gender-Based Medicine. Clayton only recommends 25 to 50 mg and warns that DHEA can affect some people’s cholesterol levels, however. So be sure to check with your doctor before taking it.
12. Keep It Simple
You don’t need 3 hours of mind-blowing bliss for a satisfying sex session. Apparently, just 7 to 13 minutes of lovemaking is considered “desirable” by both men and women, shows research from Pennsylvania State University. To arrive at that number, researchers interviewed 34 of the country’s top sex experts, who have collectively counseled many thousands of Americans on the topic—and it turns out that few gender differences exist on expectations of how long intercourse should ideally last. In fact, most adults deem even shorter romps of 3 to 7 minutes “adequate,” the researchers found.
13. Just Do It!
So what if you’re not exploding with desire?
Studies show that many women who report a lack of interest in sex respond just fine once they’re in the midst. “Women assume that mental desire must precede physical arousal, and that if the desire isn’t there, well, they must not like sex,” says marital therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex Starved Marriage. “But for many women, that’s not true. The next time your husband approaches you, just do it, she says. See if the light bulb turns on.
One common libido dampener for women who are years into a relationship: comparing their desire with the drive they felt in the early days of the union. “Don’t wait for fireworks,” Weiner-Davis says. “Work with the embers. You have to find out what you need to feel sexier. Go out and buy new underwear—not for him, but for you.”
